My Messy Life

Most of the articles and awareness you see about eating disorder has quite a high focus on the physical effects of the illness.  But eating disorders are so much more than that. This is just my personal experience, but here are some of the effects I have had that aren't "just" physical. Social Life Prior to my eating disorder, though I don't particularly enjoy social situations, I had a group of really close friends who made me feel comfortable enough to be social with. My eating disorder changed all that. I found that especially being a teenager that people distanced themselves, they couldn't understand why I was saying no to things... I was alienated. Then add to that the fear of events surrounding food or being out of routine, and socialising became pretty much impossible. Even that which was possible became a huge event, needing days (or weeks) of planning beforehand. It is really quite isolating having an eating disorder. Finances This is a big one we need to...

Dear World, We are tired of living in a world obsessed with dieting, We are tired of living in a world obsessed with body image, We are tired of services not being funded properly, We are tired of being a second thought for "ob*sity policies", We are tired of being seen as "acceptable collateral", We are tired of being faced with our triggers every day by a society that doesn't care, We are tired of people seeing "eating disorders" as only Anorexia and only someone who is underweight, We are tired of being told it is our responsibility to not be triggered when we are sick, We are tired of the Government doing everything it can to harm us, and nothing at all to help, We are tired of losing our friends, our peers and amazing lives unnecessarily and too young, We are tired of weight stigma being entrenched in healthcare and even eating disorders care, We are tired of being seen as a BMI rather than a person with unique needs, We are tired of being told ...

When we talk about eating disorders, most of the time the attention is solely focused on the sufferer, the one with the eating disorder, the debilitating symptoms, the physical, emotional, social and financial damage that it can cause the individual who is struggling. As a sufferer myself, I have seen this first hand, and it's always made me feel a bit uneasy, because I see this as only half of the true story. The other half is my family. I have seen 14 years of my parents, my brother, everyone I love and who loves me, suffering too - but barely getting a mention other than to look for a "cause" to my eating disorder. My parents have had to face guilt and feeling like they could have done something differently to prevent my suffering, they've had to face stigma from other parents, from wider society, and even from eating disorders services. They have had to face 14 years of seeing their son struggling... I cannot imagine how hard that must be. My brother has suffered ...

In Part 1 , I included a few ways that some of the current "awareness" might be doing more harm than good, both to sufferers of eating disorders and to the stigma that exists within wider society. So now I want to put together a list of things that can be included in articles, awareness campaigns and the media, so we can raise awareness without creating harm, triggering sufferers or adding another level of stigma. Please also ensure that BEAT Guidelines are followed as these are always a great guide.  Eating Disorder Media Guidelines - Beat (beateatingdisorders.org.uk) 1. Diversity, Diversity, Diversity! This is probably the single most important thing, but the one that is far too often missed. Eating disorders can affect anyone, of any age, gender, body size, ethnicity, sexuality, religion, class, or any other demographic.  However how often do we only see one type of eating disorder (usually Anorexia) portrayed in one way (usually a white, cisgender, middle class girl/t...

Now Eating Disorders Awareness Week has passed, it is no less important that we keep banging the drum of awareness. Eating Disorders don't only affect the sufferer (and their support network) for one week of the year, and awareness needs to be for every day too. But for all the amazing awareness campaigners, advocates and organisations doing brilliant things, there is a fair share of "Awareness" that risks doing more harm than good. I'll try to put a selection on thig blog, it's not an exhaustive list though, and if in doubt, please check out the BEAT Guidelines ( Eating Disorder Media Guidelines - Beat (beateatingdisorders.org.uk) 1. "Before" or "Sick" Photos A common one from a lot of the media, but sadly a growing number of advocates, especially on Instagram. This involves showing a "before" picture, usually of someone severely underweight, followed by an "after" photo, often of them in fitness gear.  The media also uses...

  Yep... I'm going there. Why? Because it's such an important topic that is usually missed, forgotten or quietly ignored when we discuss eating disorders and how they can affect our bodies; especially with predominantly (cisgender) men who have eating disorders. Being a cisgender man with an eating disorder, this is something that was missed, time and time again, and has had huge effects on my life and - potentially - my future. When I filled in my first questionnaire about my eating disorder for my GP, one of the questions was "Women only: Have you stopped having periods". Of course I skipped over that question, it didn't apply to me so obviously issues like that wouldn't affect men, right? Wrong. Firstly, I want to point out that most people who mensurate will not lose their periods because of their eating disorder, and I don't think it should be used as a criteria to allocate treatment or who is "worse", as eating disorders affect everyone in ...

If you were to say to society "what is an eating disorder?" despite the awareness campaigns and work that has been done, I can guarantee the majority response will still be along the lines of "an underweight, white, teenage girl". Whilst it is true that this demographic does sadly suffer from eating disorders, it is far from the whole story. When I started struggling aged 11, I can honestly say I had never known of a man with an eating disorder. Nor, it seems, had any of the medical professionals who denied me support and basically gaslit me for many years, ignoring what was really going on because "Men don't get eating disorders, right?" Wrong... so wrong. The UK Eating Disorders charity Beat estimates that 25% of sufferers are male. Personally, I think this is a bit of an underestimate, but the truth is we just don't know. We don't know the true numbers of eating disorders full-stop due to stigma, misunderstandings, ignorance and an ingrained...

There is no doubt, living with an Eating Disorder is hard. Your mind using any excuse to revert to the disordered behaviours that maintain the illness. What can make it even harder is living with other chronic health issues at the same time. The constant balancing act of trying to manage both in the best way possible without ever really getting it right. Two of these issues for me is living with my Stoma and Chronic Bowel Issues. For those who aren't fully aware, I will be doing lots on Stomas in the near future. But here I want to focus on the effects of it, and my wider bowel issues, and how that can really impact my eating disorder. My stoma was needed because of chronic constipation and a bowel prolapse, something I had before my eating disorder, but the ED has exacerbated the issue, and caused me to do irreparable damage to my digestive system. Digestive issues are known complications of eating disorders too. My stoma affects my life in a lot of ways: It means I have to i...

Exercise: It's always a good thing, right? Well, that's what society tells us, ingrains into ours' and our children's minds from a very young age.  "The more the better",  "No pain, no gain", "Don't be so lazy", "You'll get unhealthy". The list goes on...  But by using such binary language, we miss the truth:  Yes, exercise CAN be really healthy for the majority of the population. That it is true that many could perhaps improve their wellbeing by being more active, and that exercise can be an amazing aid for both our physical and mental wellbeing. BUT What about the other side of things? What about when it damages your health? What about when exercise becomes toxic? This is my experience. Exercise no longer serves a positive purpose in my life - in honesty it hasn't for nearly a decade. It's put me in hospital once, and nearly on a number of other occasions. It's destroyed my social life, done permanent physica...